The Origins of Zhu Can Bo

Once upon a time, in a faraway land, there was a little man.

This little man was born in a humble palace, one decorated with golden lights and crystal chandeliers. He was born crying and frail. Yet his legs were unusually long, and so was his...

As he grew, he found an interest in servers. Minecraft servers. His parents would get tired of his shenanigans. The red carpets would be filled with wet little footprints left by the little man. His legs were too long; they could never catch him. His hands would be inseparable from his MacBook. From Minecraft.

So by his 5th birthday, they exiled him to the dusty lands of Boston. Quite unusual behavior, the people said, for parents to send away a child at such a young, pivotal age. Oh, and pivotal it was. He became an overlord by the age of 6.

Boston did not see him coming. The villagers mirrored those in his Mincraft servers. There were no differences between the oak planks in his digital worlds and the walls of people's homes. The Bostonians were furious, helpless, and fearful for his TNT was much too powerful. It was like he could see everything they did. A dinner, a secret gathering, a shower. Nothing escaped him.

By the age of 7, the little man left no room in the skies. Green and red lights would blink just beneath the clouds day and night. The whirring of his drones drove the people to insanity. The drones were his eyes.

His parents were ignorant. Drinking white tea and dawdling in their freedom.

By the age of 8, he'd burned down their palace.

The Origins of Aaron Lee

Once upon a time, in a land far far away, there was a big boy.

His birth was a mystery, to this day we do not understand how he was born so big. His steps shook the earth, reminiscent of the titans of a long lost land.

What we know of his history begins at the age of 3, when he was given his first burger. The village of Hamburg, once a beautiful tourist destination, was destroyed by his hunger. There, he became known as the Burger Confronter. He amassed an army of admirers who sought to become as large as he. However, after that incident, he disappeared off of the face of the Earth. His lovers and enemies alike wondered, where had the Biggest Back gone? Where will we find our destiny, to be big?

1000 years later, he appeared again, in a mysterious city only known as The Bay. There he gathered all kinds of teachers who taught him all kinds of skills. Through the power of the internet, and a mysterious ability called "Rizz", he earned the hand of the most beautiful, wonderful, and perfect Olive. No one thought he could do it (me especially), but somehow, he did it. There he earned his second title, the Girlfriend Obsessed.

Then he disappeared again, appearing 100 years later, in the smoggy City of Angels. With him, his trusty evil twin, Lauryn Kinsella. Lauryn Kinsella fed new horizons into his brain through an ancient text called InnoD. He began to touch computers, like no one else has touched them before. He created things that moved, and things that had "users". Here, he earned his third title, the Design Nerd.

All together, it creates the perfect triangle of Aaron Lee, for he is a simple big boy. He is a simple boy, who only thinks of food, his girlfriend, and design.

And that is the end... For now.

The Dilf

"Hush! It might hear you from here. Don't make a move until I signal. I don't want to hear even the crunch of a single leaf." Johnny pestered as he pulled Teri to crouch behind a large fallen tree. He slowly arose and peeked over, and scanned the clearing. It was empty. A pile of autumn leaves sat on the left, and a small boulder on the right. All was still.

"But why? There's nothing there!" Teri peered through a crack in the fallen tree trunk and saw nothing. The clearing was empty.

"Wait for it. The wind is still, so it must be on its way."

"What's on its way? What, what, what! Tell me now please, please." Teri couldn't help but tug on the lower corner of Johnny's shirt. Then on his sleeve weenis. Johnny rolled his eyes at her.

"You'll see, Teri," he held in his laugh, "when you're ready."

"I hate you I hate you I hate you I'm gonna keel you."

"SHUSH!" Johnny's eyes widened, and Teri scrambled to look through the crack.

"It's just a bunny, Johnny," Teri said, disappointed. But as she looked back up at Johnny, she saw he was as still as a statue. She tugged on a corner of his pants. "Johnny why are you so obsessed with that bunny." He was silent.

Crunch!

Teri whipped back her head to peek through the crack, and the bunny was no more. In its place was a tall, bearded creature on all fours. Somehat human-like but disfigured with the features of a reindeer and a face of a man. Its antlers must've been longer than the lowest limbs of all the trees that surrounded the clearing, and its hooves were each the size of Johnny's foot (very large). Teri could feel Johnny's heartbeat pound through the forest floor. Was he frightened? Excited? The creature turned its head, now facing the fallen tree the two were hiding behind. No, it turned to face Johnny.

"The great Dilf" Johnny gasped.